As my thoughts come to me and I find a way to express them in words, verbal or written, giving them voice, I am freeing myself from a self imposed confinement. For so long, I kept my thoughts hidden away, in journals and my mind, holding on to them for dear life, afraid of what might happen if I let them out. These thoughts created armor around me, an extra layer to keep a distance, so others could not get in and I could not let my true self out.

As I began my journey toward better health, I took in all of the new ideas and concepts: whole foods, grains, herbs, primary vs. secondary foods, interconnectedness. I didn’t even know what eating whole foods meant before Fruition. I have learned so much in these seven months and am still learning. I am eating when I’m hungry and choosing foods that nourish my body, providing energy and balance, rather than those that deplete me. I have incorporated exercise into my schedule and found again my passion for yoga. And still, even after taking all of these steps, six months into my program, I had not lost any weight.

My counselor suggested that maybe I was carrying around emotional weight. We talked about how holding on and storing so many emotions, memories, and thoughts could create extra weight. So not only was creating a barrier around myself a metaphor, but it was a physical manifestation that could actually be seen in my body. It was a new concept-emotional weight-but it made sense. So then, what do I do about it? How do I lose emotional weight? There is no known solution. Going to the gym or eating the right foods does not help to get rid of emotional weight.

Some of the strategies I tried were acknowledging emotions as they come up, feeling my feelings and then choosing how I want to respond, if at all. Beginning to speak up to others, truthfully, about what I want and need. And most importantly, taking care of myself. I was so used to putting the needs of others first and always gauging what others wanted, that the thought of taking care of myself seemed selfish. The more I started thinking about it, and practicing it, I realized that unless I take care of myself, I am not able to give the best of myself to others. Finding the time to eat right, exercise, take a bath, read, and do nice things for myself are now part of my routine. Yet still, adding all of these elements into my life did not help the weight come off.

Instead the solution has come to me in the most unexpected way. Since I have started my blog and have begun to share the depths of myself, now the weight is beginning to shed. It is my belief that in letting go of my thoughts, releasing them into the world, they are now shared by others. They no longer need to live inside of me. They no longer need to take up space in me and weigh me down. I am freeing the thoughts, freeing myself, freeing up space…and in doing that, I am finding myself-physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.