In a relationship, acceptance can often be the hardest part. I find myself picking at annoying habits like always having noise blaring, whether it’s the TV or music or video games. I like quiet sometimes and don’t like that I have to hide out in one of the back rooms in order to find it. Or the fact that he stays up late for no reason, even if he is tired, and doesn’t come to bed until one or two in the morning. I want him to come to bed with me, every night. And one more thing, I like to come home at the end of a work day and see the house in order and the bed made. It feels soothing for me to see a nicely made bed (yes, I realize I am slightly crazy and anal for saying it). But I leave earlier in the morning and his idea of making the bed is throwing all the sheets and covers onto the bed in disarray, just so long as they aren’t lying on the floor.

How is it that two people come together and decide to share their lives? Especially when the people are complete opposites, which my boyfriend and I are. Physically, he is tall and thin and has a dark complexion and I am short, curvy, and have light features. Emotionally, he holds feelings back and I let them pour out my eyes whenever they come up. When we fight, he wants to get away and have some space, I want to talk right away and work it out. He is loud, funny, social, opinionated, the life of the party. Everyone loves him right away. I am quiet, observant, keep things to myself, and have a good sense of humor with those I know. Everyone loves me once they’ve had time to get to know me (which can take awhile before I open up). And yet somehow, here we are after four years, making it work.

Acceptance. In yoga, my teacher says that we are not to judge ourselves or where we are at in our lives. He says that we are all right where we should be, right where we are meant to be, in every moment. This thought helped me tremendously as I began my job search and found nothing. My old thoughts jumped right in with, “You’re not good enough. No one wants to hire you. You don’t deserve a better job. You don’t deserve to be happy.” But this new idea was able to counter that with, “I am exactly where I should be in this moment.” Even though I didn’t always want to be where I was at that moment, it still felt good to validate that I am whole and complete and perfect just as I am. Then one day, I realized that if I am just where I need to be in my life, so is everyone else. My job is not to try to change others, to get them to be more like me or join me on my path. My job is to accept others, right now just as they are, knowing that they are perfect and whole and where they need to be in their lives.

Suddenly I could look at my boyfriend in a whole new way. He doesn’t react to situations the same way I would, he does things in his own way. And once I started to look at him through eyes of acceptance, it became much easier to appreciate all of the wonderful things about him.

It is my belief that relationships exist to teach us how to love (ourselves and others). Now to be honest, I did not create that last sentence, I heard someone else say it, but since I believe it to be true, I’m borrowing it. Relationships are a learning process. In them, we get to be the teacher and the student. I am able to teach Eddie about expressing feelings while he has taught me about respecting myself and having high expectations. He has opened me up to a whole new world of music and politics. I have shared yoga and cooking with him. We each have our own separate passions, but we are able to share them with one another.

Acceptance is one of those traits you have to be constantly mindful about. It is easy to slip back into pointing out the flaws and irritating behaviors. But if you can shift your thinking and look for acceptance, it will change the way you see others.

Eddie may do things loudly, but that includes loving me loudly. He is very affectionate and tells me everyday that he loves me. He may not make the bed, but he makes me laugh. He may not come to bed at the same time as me every night, but he is always there when I wake up.

As I am slowly learning how to accept myself, it is opening me up to being more accepting of others as well. I am learning how to love with truth. How to truly love.