How the time flies! I know it’s been too long since I’ve written here. I needed a break, some processing time, even though I didn’t really know it. After not getting in the MFA program, there was a period of flurried motion in my mind. What should I do now? Do I go with another MFA program? Should I get my Marriage Family Therapist license? What about holistic health? Reiki? Feng Shui? Interior Design? Suddenly a flood of options was drowning me. I have a lot of interests, but which one do I want to turn into a career? I filled out applications, called about financial aid, but then found myself paralyzed. I wasn’t ready to make a commitment.

That went on for about two months. Then for some reason, unplanned by me, it all stopped. I let it go. I didn’t think about what my next move should be or what I want to do with my life when I grow up or how behind I am because so many people my age have graduate degrees and are pursuing real grown up careers, while I feel like I’m floundering. It all just stopped.

Maybe because it’s summer time and it seems every weekend is filling up with activities: weddings, concerts, family in town, etc. I’ve been busy living life and enjoying life rather than constantly analyzing it. It’s been a nice change of pace.

Then yesterday, I found myself in a contemplative mood, realizing all of this. Life moves in cycles: sometimes I’m (over) analyzing to a point of driving myself crazy, other times I’m present and enjoying my life, and then there are the times that I need to go inside and explore what I’ve learned while feeling grounded. I’m at that last place right now, ready to do a little review of what’s been going on over the past few months and also do some planning for the coming months.

I do know that I want to go back to school, but I’ve let go of feeling like I need to decide this instant when I will go back and what degree I will pursue. It will come to me. I know it will. In the meantime, I need to meditate, to get clear about what I want from a future career, but also to enjoy and appreciate the present moment, where I am right now. Life is good. I am where I need to be. I will get where I need to go. I need to have faith in the process and trust myself.