I saw my reflection in the rotating door of the San Francisco Airport, as I walked in. I saw fear. I held back tears as I made my way toward the check in desk, carrying all my belongings for the next two weeks on my back.

As I prepared for this trip, I prayed and meditated a lot. I had asked Great Goddess to help me be open, to give me signs and that I would listen and look for the lessons that I needed to learn while on this journey. In the weeks leading up to the trip, I felt excitement and was surprised by the lack of nervousness and worry (which used to be standard for me). It wasn’t until the car ride to the airport that my stomach clamped and I found my breath catching in my throat. Tears welled up and I pushed them back. Nervousness and fear took hold. A quick hug and kiss by the side of the car and then I turned toward the door. I was on my own now.

When I reached the counter, the woman asked my final destination.

“Guatemala,” I told her.

“Oh, I’m from Guatemala. What part are you going to?” she smiled at me. Thank you Great Goddess for this first sign, this small comfort as I begin my journey. I told her where I was going and asked where in Guatemala she was from. Punta Barrios, a city I wouldn’t be visiting but I recognized the name and knew what part of the country it was in. I spent a lot of time looking at maps and planning out a route for this trip.

My initial plan was much more ambitious than the final version. Originally, I wanted to visit four countries and probably 10 cities in the span of 18 days. Gradually, I trimmed down a city here, a country there, until finally I had two countries and 7 cities on the agenda. In the end, I did two countries and 4 cities, which satisfied me.

After 12 hours of flying and waiting in airports, I arrived in Guatemala City. Everything went smoothly…. getting my bags, checking with the tourist info booth to find out where I could get a ride to Antigua, walking out and finding a shuttle within minutes. The driver of the shuttle introduced himself as Eduardo, which I took as another good sign, since it was the same name as my boyfriend. Waiting in the shuttle for other passengers, Eduardo and I got to talking. When asked if I could speak Spanish, I told him “un pocito”. As he began asking about my travel plans, I found that I could converse in Spanish better than expected, which made me smile.

A second girl got in the bus after about 15 minutes and then we waited another two hours before heading for Antigua. In between talking with my new acquaintance from Australia, I felt the familiar pangs of worry flow in waves throughout my body. The sun was starting to set, I was still an hour from Antigua, and I didn’t have a place to stay. I didn’t want to arrive after dark, not knowing where I was going. I tried to resist the urge to scold myself for not at least booking my first night in advance. I kept reminding myself to breathe and asking the Great Goddess to help me easily find a place to stay when I got to Antigua. That prayer was answered when the first hostel I tried happened to have an open bed. Tired from my 24 plus hours of travel, I fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning I was tested again. I got up early and wanted to find a hostel for the night, since where I was staying didn’t have any availability. I had to leave there by noon, so I got started around 8. I took my guidebook and began roaming the streets of Antigua, trying to find my sense of direction. I stopped by a church and meditated and gave thanks for my safe arrival and finding a place to stay on my first night. I made my way to the town center, stopping off at a few markets to browse. I was making my way toward some of the hostels that were listed, but the streets weren’t always clearly labeled and after an hour or so, I couldn’t seem to find any of the places that I was looking for. At ten, a shock of panic coursed through me. I stopped right where I was and said a prayer to Great Goddess (and Archangel Gabriel, who I thought I had recently read helped with directions) asking that I be able to quickly find one of the hostels listed in my guidebook. I literally turned the corner and ran into my top choice. I walked in and they had a private room available.

And so my lesson for this trip became clear to me: I need to let go of control, fear, worry and learn to trust, to have faith. I spend a lot of my time worrying and then playing into my irrational fears, letting them run wild. Now it is time to start trusting that the universe is watching over me and I will be taken care of. I do not need to waste my time living in fear, trying to control everything that will happen. Instead, I need to release and melt into the lap of the Great Goddess, knowing that she will take care of me.