Already there's so much to say. I made it through the first part of my trip and am in Guadalajara, Mexico waiting for my flight to Mexico City and then on to Guatemala City. So far it's been very smooth.

Walking down the airport hallway, surrounded by gray, part of me wanted to run back outside and have Eddie take me back to the safety of home. A lump rose in my throat and I felt nauseous. Tears were burning behind my eyes, but I held them back. I asked the universe to send me peace. I managed to get to my gate with two hours to spare. I put on Cat Power and the melodies soothed me. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. By the time I moved onto Norah Jones, I felt calm (or at least, calmer). I dozed for a bit before boarding the plane at one in the morning.

Once on board I had the nice surprise of the entire row to myself. I said a quick prayer of thanks. Upon landing in Guadalajara, the immigration line was long and slow moving with the echoes of a screaming two year old. After fifteen minutes, the flight attendant came around and said that if we were going to Mexico City to follow her. She took us right to the front of the line and then she directed us to our connecting flight. All in all, it's been an effortless adventure.

Now, here I am, waiting for the next plane. It's seven here. The feeling of rushing to a pay phone and calling Eddie isn't subsiding. I want to tell him that I wish he was here, that I would feel so much safer having him with me. But that's what this trip is about: facing fear. I don't want to be scared of the world. And I don't want to live my life safely inside my comfort zone because I'm too afraid to step outside of it. While I do (deeply) wish Eddie was with me, I also know that this is something that I need to do on my own and that the trip would have a different meaning if he were here (it would be fabulous, but I wouldn't be testing myself and expanding beyond my boundaries).

I do feel very lucky and blessed that I have Eddie in my life. I know he'll be there throughout the trip, waiting for me to check in and that I have him to return to when this trip is done. There is a comfort in that that fills me with love and appreciation. I don't feel sick or scared like I did in those first few moments in the SF airport. I am slightly anxious...wanting to be at the Guatemala airport and get my bag and find a shuttle to Antigua and know that I have a place to stay once I get there. Worry, worry...but I'm trying to breath, to meditate, to trust.