Week two of Inner Advent asks us to consider water elements that have flowed through our lives this year.

In reflecting back on how my year unfolded I do see a pattern of darkness to light, confusion to clarity. In the beginning of 2007 I was still without a job, not sure of how I would make my next rent payment or where my life was going. I was suspended in mid air, not sure where I would land. But as the year progressed, I found a job that fit well with me: an academic setting, but with less stress than teaching. I found a job where I can breathe. Once settled into this new position, a path for my future opened up in front of me. I have now applied for the MFA Writing program and hope to start in summer.

Spiritually, I have come a long way from struggling with meditation to enjoying and looking forward to it. I find that I am taking more time for myself these days, time to nurture myself. And I am learning how to ask for what I want, so that I can fill myself up, rather than looking to others for validation. For example, I have asked to have the apartment to myself for a couple of hours on Sundays. It is my one day off from both jobs and I choose to take that time to feed my soul. I meditate, I pull out my journals and play inside of them, I write, I light candles and offer prayers, I take a bath and give myself body scrubs and scented lotion massages. I have never spent this kind of time giving myself this kind of attention. Especially my body…really taking time to give my arms a sugar scrub, buffing my feet, using a body brush to stimulate my skin. It feels good to do so now, to pay attention to the neglected parts of myself, to reclaim them and own them and LOVE them.

My thought patterns have changed over this past year as well. I am much more conscious of my thinking and make an effort to turn negative or mean or harsh thoughts around. I am also able to separate myself from my thoughts, to recognize that just because I think something does not mean that it’s true…and does not mean that the thought is part of me. It is my mind talking and I can choose to let it go. This is huge for me. For most of my life, I’ve let my mind run wild and create worse case scenarios that would keep me awake at night. I would let my mind worry and fret with no end in sight causing physical and emotional stress. Now I am able to breathe through these times and to let the thoughts come and go, without upsetting me.

I feel that the seas of change have swept in and created new and healthier rhythms for me. Although there are still the ups and downs inherent in life, for the most part, I’m floating on calm waters. When the occasional storm rises, it’s nothing I can’t handle.