I have been saying that I am on a spiritual journey. I get questions from people asking what that means. What do I believe? Where is this journey taking me?

I am not religious, which is why I choose the word spiritual instead. I do not believe that I have to choose one religion and follow all of its rules…or else. I enjoy learning about or experiencing parts of different religions and taking the pieces that resonate within me to keep as part of my spiritual practice. So what does it look like?

I go to yoga classes where often the teacher shares wisdom that is in line with my belief system. The idea that we are each whole and perfect just as we are, that we are exactly where we are meant to be in this moment, breathing through emotions and feelings, nonviolence toward ourselves and others, that a shift in one person’s energy can ripple out into the world causing change.

I have been to a Buddhist meditation and dharma talk where the ideas of mindfulness, going inward, letting go, and being present touch a place in me.

I am getting a tattoo of the chakras, which are energy systems running along the spine, each one associated with particular emotions, body organs, and human needs. I believe that it is important to nurture the needs and emotions of each chakra in order to keep the body balanced.

I have had energy work done with a healer who helped me to visualize events and people and create a place for healing to occur around these situations. I work with an acupuncturist who is trained in traditional Chinese medicine, which focuses on a holistic and natural approach to health, rather than treating just the symptom. I believe in energetic healing and digging deeper into a person’s emotional and mental health in order to understand physical manifestations of sickness.

I created an altar at my house that holds a mini Buddha statue, a rose quartz stone (which opens the heart chakra), candles, a chakra pendulum, and a God box (which I never thought I’d be saying-I have such a hard time with the G word…but it’s a place where I put pieces of paper with prayers on them…giving them up to the Spirit or God or Buddha or Universal Life Force or whatever you want to call it). I love this little sanctuary and I add and remove items as I feel necessary.

Lately I have been feeling a strong draw toward the Hindu god Ganesha. He is the god who can create or remove obstacles in one’s life. He is also seen as the god of beginnings, so anytime a person is starting something new or getting something new, s/he offers a prayer to Ganesha. It is said that Ganesha brings success and prosperity wherever he is. I am looking for a small statue to place on my altar and offer particular prayers to Ganesha relating to obstacles in my life.

Books are also part of my spirituality. I love reading and gain many ideas, insights, and beliefs from books. Some recent titles that I identify with are: Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, The Red Book by Sera Beak, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig, In the Meantime by Ayanla Vanzant, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Sera Beak really gave me permission to follow this playful search for spirituality. Her book opens endless possibilities for ways to connect with the Spirit. She also talks about the Spirit or God having a sense of humor. The idea of God always felt like an authoritative figure looking down at me, keeping tabs on my good and bad deeds. She reframes this view and helped me to expand my own beliefs about the Spirit.

One last part of my spirituality is prayer and meditation. Elizabeth Gilbert distinguishes between the two by saying that prayer is talking or asking for what you want, while in meditation, you get quiet and listen. I find myself praying throughout the day, any time and anywhere: on the bus on the way to work, when I’m running at the gym, while cooking dinner. Mediation happens at least once a day for me and is certainly the more challenging piece for me. (It’s easy to talk, talk, talk, but to get quiet and listen takes more effort). I am feeling more at peace with meditation though and like anything, the more I practice, the more I make it routine, the easier it is to do.

I offer this to those of you wondering what my spiritual journey looks like. It is a discovery process right now, a place where I play and feed my creativity. I find certain ideas and beliefs work for me, while others don’t. I am taking the ones that do and finding ways to integrate them into my life. I am having conversations with the Spirit. I feel energized and alive. And that makes me believe that I am following the right path for me in this moment.

I want a few more decorations for the walls in my room. I want to go to Thailand this year. I want a new shelving unit for my kitchen. I want a tattoo. I want more books (because I don’t have enough already spilling over my bookshelves). I want a coffee table. I want, I want, I want.

I find myself constantly thinking about all the things I want, all the house decorations or clothes or trips I want to take. And every week, I’m reviewing my budget…never having enough to pay for all of the things I want. And the bottom line is, once I get all of those things that are on my list of “wants” now, there will be a new list in progress. It never ends.

Where can I find a place of acceptance and peace with where I am at and what I have RIGHT NOW? Why am I always trying to have more and more…and then left feeling frustrated because I can’t afford all of the things I want? And what about all of the things I already have?

I am struggling with being content and satisfied (and GRATEFUL) right now, right where I’m at in this moment. I have consolidated my debt and am finally (for the first time in years) living within my means. No extra spending on credit cards, nothing more than what I can afford. I am very happy about this because it feels good to know that when I purchase something, I am doing so with money I’ve made (not money I will be making in the future). And I’m spending my money in alignment with my values, meaning I’m choosing to spend my money on activities and things that support and nourish me (yoga, nutrition courses, books, acupuncture). It feels good to be in control of my finances. But control of the mind, there’s where I need to do some work.

In my prayers, I ask for abundance in all areas of my life-relationships, money, work, spirituality, health. I notice that the more I focus on all that I do have in these areas, the more that comes to me.

With money, for so long (and often still) I focus on not having enough. I have been experimenting with believing that money will come to me when I need it, that I will always be provided for, that I will always have enough. And I’ve noticed that when I frame my thinking in this way, the money does show up when I really do need it.

But still, I am stuck with wanting a house that is my sacred space (and so needs to be decorated accordingly) and a new office that I still want to add some finishing touches on at work and on and on.

At yoga on Friday, my teacher touched on this subject (as often happens when I am struggling with something, a yoga teacher addresses it in practice-synchronicity). He said something to the effect of “let go of all of your wants, know that everything you want, everything you need is already right here inside yourself.” I know that he’s right. Deep down, I know that.

Yet I still want. I am running in circles on this one. I know that possessions do not make me a better person or define me, yet it’s so hard to not want. I am looking at this as a place to explore within myself that will hopefully open up new understanding and dimensions inside. As a baby step for this week, I started an “I am grateful for…” list and I have to put down at least 10 things each day. I’m already at 7 for today and here’s 8: I am grateful that I have a blog where I can wonder and vent and express myself.

So, no answers or endings today. Just the questions to ponder: How can I let go of wanting? Where in my life can I release wants? Why am I constantly in need of more? Can I find a place where what I have is enough?