Tuesday, August 05, 2008

I'm cleansing this month. I'm taking a couple supplements that are supposed to be pulling toxins out of my organs and then moving them out of my system. I started on Saturday and so far, so good.

I started out with the idea of doing this in order to clean up my diet a little bit and clean out my system, but already the cleanse has taken on a new dimension. It's become more about listening to my body and taking time for myself. I had made a list of activities or things I could do while on the cleanse (bubble baths, books to read, farmer's market, etc). I put the goal of watching less TV on my list, as well as trying to meditate daily.

I'm not eating meat or refined sugar (and for the most part will not be drinking either). Already, my body feels lighter and less bloated. Last night, as I was coming home from the gym, I started thinking about what I wanted for dinner. Normally, I create a menu each week and have ingredients on hand to make the dinners I've preplanned. But for now, I've just bought a lot of veggies and have beans and grains and a few dairy products on hand. So I can create whatever I want to have for dinner. Anyway, on my way home, I decided I just wanted a light broth with some veggies and udon noodles for dinner. Then I cooked up a couple slices of polenta and put some goat cheese on top. It was the perfect meal...just what my body wanted.

I realized how often I let my regimented, structured thinking sort of take control. Beef stew is on the menu for tonight...so beef stew it is. Even if I don't want that. I often ignore what my body is telling me it wants, simply because I've already written a dinner idea on a piece of paper. It seems so silly when I think about it now.

It happens in other areas of my life too. Someone invites me over for dinner or a friend asks if I want to get together over the weekend. I just say yes simply because I have no other plans. Even if it's not something I really want to do. So I'm working on saying no. I've already had to say no quite a few invitations. It feels liberating to make that choice based on what I want.

I guess it's interesting to me that I'm just now starting to think, "Do I really want to do this?" I have a choice. I don't have to agree to do whatever everyone else wants me to do.

And in saying no, I'm opening up windows of time where I get to decide how I want to spend the few hours I have to myself. Last night I took a long bath, meditated, and went to bed at 9. Over the weekend, I spent 3 hours working on my feng shui coursework.

I've started keeping a journal of my daily schedule, as well as bodily and emotional feelings, making sure that I stay conscious of the process.

Friday, August 01, 2008

I went to a meditation group on Tuesday evening. It was led by my friend, Alice. She's been trained in the practice called Mind Sound Technology.

Basically, the meditation consists of chanting sounds out loud while focusing on a certain part of the body (the right or left eye, the third eye, the navel, the heart, or the mouth). There are four sequences that you do. The first sequence is supposed to help with intelligence and energy, the second helps with knowledge and doing well at work or school, the third sequence helps with non-violence and peaceful behavior, and the fourth helps with courage and eliminating fear.

I walked into the room, not having any idea what to expect. I didn't know what kind of meditation it would be. The room had a dark feeling. The walls were made of cement and it had a sort of institutional feel. I sat in a chair across the circle from Alice. We got started and went into the first sequence of the meditation. As I slowly opened my eyes when it was done, the energy in the room had completely changed and I could feel and see it. The room seemed brighter and more spacious. It was very calm and peaceful.

We went through the three other sequences. I really enjoy chanting sounds out loud. And when you're with a group of people, the sounds all come together and create wonderful vibrations. During the third sequence, I could feel the energy of our combined voices pushing against one another, each voice adding its own strength, creating a ball of energy in the middle of our circle. During the fourth sequence, it was like each of our voices danced around each other, stepping aside to sure each voice had its own space.

People shared their stories of how long they had been doing the meditations and the sorts of effects they had noticed in their lives. It was very interesting. These meditations are starting to be used with children in schools and researchers are documenting the effects that the meditations are having.

I've been practicing the meditation each night since Tuedsay, on my own, and already I can say that there are some shifts. I do notice myself taking more risks than I might normally (compliments of the fourth sequence). For example, yesterday I received an email from the founder of the 29 Day Giving Challenge. She had sent out a plea for help because the challenge is really beginning to take off and she has more work than she can handle on her own. My first response was that I wanted to offer my help. But I immediately brushed that thought aside. I was afraid to offer my help. What if it took too much of my time? What if I didn't know how to do some of the things that needed to get done? I'm not sure I want to interact with people...that means putting myself out there. I clicked the archive button and moved on with my day.

An hour later, I retrieved the email and sent a response saying that I would be happy to help. I stated which items I thought I'd be best at helping with. I told her how many hours I'd be able to put into it each week. And I offered the idea of breaking up some of the responsibilities among a few people (the original email had said she needed one person). So I offered help, but made sure to be clear about what exactly I could give. It felt good. And next week, I'll become part of the Welcoming Committee, where I will have to put myself out there. And I think that even though it's a little scary...it's good for me.

I'll be curious to see what other effects I notice over time as I continue this daily mind sound meditation.